Will she know how much I loved her?
Bismillah.
So, now I am keeping myself busy. Or pretending busy. This is a goodbye post, since writing blog will make me hope for smthn that will kill me next. I will die with this heartache, so I dont hv to kill myself so soon, writing this.
Remember Makassar?
That was my best moment, with you. I didnt feel hurt, at all. Until we left the airport without saying how we want each other. Then it hurts me again. At same night, I went to meet a guy, to tell how nice Makassar was. And I also tell him, how bad you were to me
Remember Me?
You know, a child who hates her parents will nvr be the best child. You know, a broken child who hates her home will nvr feel safe anywhere and everywhere. You know, and you know all about me, your bad girl.
I have nothing better, when you appointed me as your opponent. I was really hurt back then, I even couldnt cry, and try. That night, when I knew you once jealous with me with Indo, I started put my defences. I knew you jealous, I was once okay. But how could you turn your back and said how lucky am I? Worst, I didnt really like myself anymore.
I hate it when I looked you in different way. I looked at you as the one who hurt me. It took years to write this, but I will finish this tonight.
Why should I put the blame in you, when you acted normal. Everyone get jealous on me, but everyone should not be you. It hurts me. Remember when I told you, you hurt me more than Shahiran. I didnt mean to say that. Am so sorry but still that day I just being Anis who hates everyone, accepted you. I am bad, and bad girl.
I couldn't say more, how pitiful I was.
Remember Maria, you once had a good best friend named Anis Suraya and Suara Suria. Both were your soulmate. She loved and supported your flaw, because you once grab her hand when she was that pitiful.
It just that day, you ran. You tell how sorry you are, but you know I just need your hand at that time. If only if you stay, hold my hand. I will forget everything. But you didnt. It was not your fault when we became like this. It ours. If and only if I believe myself more than anything else, I might not get hurt with everything you said.
The reason why I cant go back to you, we both know. Benda yang paling menghiriskan ialah kenangan. Tapi, shine bright Maria. You own your own path, when we do not share (anymore).
Remember one thing more, God didn't put us for nothing. There will be valuable lesson. Give us time. I might have less, since I didn't really wanna live haha. It is real, that we cant go back to past. But sort of Future, let God decides.